FUNNY BIRTHDAY QUOTES
For the Ladies

So join me for some very funny birthday quotes from some very funny ladies.

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An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have because the older she gets the more interested he becomes.
Agatha Christie

If things get better with age, then you're approaching magnificent.
Nicole Beale

You've logged so many miles in the voyage of life that you've been upgraded to First Class!
Evelyn Loeb

After 40 a woman has to choose between losing her figure or her face. My advice is to keep your face and stay sitting down.
Dame Barbara Cartland

With the grace of God and a good lighting director, I plan to stick around for a good long time.
Barbara Walters

There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: Babe, District Attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.
Goldie Hawn

I like this funny birthday quote from a pillar of beauty:

Nature gives you the face you have at twenty, but it's up to you to merit the face you have at 50.
Coco Chanel

Katharine Hepburn's tart sense of humor comes through in this funny birthday quote:

'Isn't it fun getting older' is really a terrible fallacy. That's like saying I prefer driving an old car with a flat tire.
Katharine Hepburn

Nobody's "old" anymore—they've just been around for a long time.
Abigail Van Buren

The hardest years in life are those between 10 and 70.
Helen Hayes, at 83

Discussing how old you are is the temple of boredom.
Ruth Gordon

Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns how to be amused rather than shocked.
Pearl S. Buck

Authorities say brain cells may shrink, but they don't necessarily die. Frankly, I am cheered by the fact that something is shrinking. I'd be even more thrilled if what was shrinking affected my dress size, but you can't have everything.
Erma Bombeck

I feel like a million tonight—but one at a time.
Mae West

From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents. From 18 to 35, she needs good looks. From 35 to 55, she needs a good personality. From 55 on, she needs good cash.
Sophie Tucker

Age is not important unless you're a cheese.
Helen Hayes

After thirty, a body has a mind of its own.
Bette Midler

No one grows old by living—only by losing interest in living.
Marie Ray

I believe in hard work. It keeps the wrinkles out of the mind and the spirit. It helps to keep a woman young. It certainly keeps women alive.
Helena Rubinstein

Count on the gorgeous Gabor sisters to have funny birthday quotes:

I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.
Eva Gabor

When you're 20 and pretty, then you're rather like Switzerland—beautiful but dull.
Faye Dunaway

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Ingrid Bergman

The lovely thing about being 40 is that you can appreciate 25 year old men.
Colleen McCullough

I think all this talk about age is foolish. Every time I'm one year older, everyone else is too.
Gloria Swanson

I think on-stage nudity is disgusting, shameful and damaging to all things American. But if I were 22 with a great body, it would be artistic, tasteful, patriotic and a progressive religious experience.
Shelley Winters

This fitness expert has the right idea in this funny birthday quote:

You can't turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again.
Bonnie Prudden

We are always the same age inside.
Gertrude Stein

My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night.
But, ah, my foes, and, oh, my friends—
It gives a lovely light!
Edna St. Vincent Millay