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Funny Christmas quotes are just below.  Also see our other pages with holiday quotes

One of our favorite funny Christmas quotes:

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Jay Leno

Other funny Christmas quotes:

Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.
Dave Berry

To perceive Christmas through its wrapping becomes more difficult with every year.
E.B. White, in "The Second Tree from the Corner"

Roses are reddish
Violets are bluish
If it weren't for Christmas
We'd all be Jewish.
Benny Hill

People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.
Ogden Nash

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night
... Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Clause last night
"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause"

Oh, look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer .... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?
Bill Watterson in "Calvin and Hobbes" cartoon

Let's be naughty and save Santa the trip.
Gary Allan

Christmas is the one time of year when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.
Bart Simpson

I never believed in Santa Clause because I knew no white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark.
Dick Gregory

Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. and while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Clause, we'll be seeing six or seven.
W.C. Fields

I stopped believing in Santa Clause when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.
Shirley Temple

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